we have pet lesbian snakes
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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