so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
