hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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