Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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