I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
