I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
