i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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