I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
