I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
