We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Randomize
