bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you win again, gameday.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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