The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
