The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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