i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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