The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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