We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
