My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
