look no pants
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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