Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
