i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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