i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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