A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
