Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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