Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
