I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I fill condoms, not promises.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
