You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
