3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
