WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
