New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
