I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
