my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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