I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
