Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
