There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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