I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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