my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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