Can Purell be used as lube?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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