Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
