i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
