So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
