WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
