oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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