he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
