I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize