can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
