I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
