Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
