I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
