Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
