You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i came on her dog
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
