You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
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I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
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I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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