in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
