I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
