remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
