he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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