At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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