ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
