i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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