I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
