I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
