Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
