I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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