My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
