it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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