dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
