I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize