I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
