he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Rumble strips road head = magical
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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