So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
