Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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