Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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