So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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