Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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