please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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