Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
