I haven't been this sober since birth.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
