I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
